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If sharing your wins feels more awkward than a high-five that misses, read on fellow friend, read on.
3 Reasons to Read This Article
- Understand the Hidden Costs of Humility – Learn how what we often call “humility” may actually be fear in disguise, and how it sabotages our self-worth and prevents us from celebrating our accomplishments.
- Break Free from the Validation Trap – Discover how relying on external validation can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and constant self-criticism, and how shifting the narrative can help you reclaim your true worth.
- Empower Yourself to Own Your Achievements – Find out why owning your success isn’t arrogant, but a necessary step towards building self-respect and living authentically, free from the fear of being judged.
Short on time? I’ve got you!
Let me read you the article instead! ⬇️
Picture this: You’ve just done something amazing - got a promotion, landed a big client, won a race, published a new book. Something that has taken you significant effort.
“I’m going to tell my social media posse”, you say to yourself.
So you start writing a post to share the win (likely starting with “I’m humbled and honoured…”, but something in you just feels ‘off’.
That ‘off’ feeling is:
- Your inner high-achiever telling you “Seriously? You think that’s an accomplishment? That doesn’t count - ANYONE could have done that”.
- Your inner people-pleaser chimes in “You cannot talk about yourself - that is SO conceited. Everyone will talk about you behind your back”.
So, instead of posting, you make an excuse: “I’ll do it tomorrow; it’s not the right time.”
And just like that, you shrink back and play it safe.
Sound familiar?
You could argue that it’s simply being humble, but I would argue that it has nothing to do about humility at all.
Because the need to be humble is driven not by social graces, but by fear, fueled by the stories we tell ourselves about what people think of us, and our own worth, validation, and what it means to matter.
The Need to Feel Special
I truly believe we all crave something universal: the feeling that we’re special, unique, and worthy. Not just in a “one-of-seven-billion” way, but in a “one-in-a-million” way.
The problem is, somewhere along the way, we start believing that feeling like we are special can only happen by standing out—by being the funniest, smartest, prettiest or most selfless person in the room.
So what do we do? We overcompensate by downplaying ourselves. It’s like saying, “I’m not trying too hard, so when you finally notice me, it’ll mean more.” It feels safer than risking rejection or criticism.
But the truth is, this backwards strategy doesn’t work, because it ties our worth to something fragile and fleeting - what we think other people think of us, NOT what we think of ourselves.
The Validation Trap
When we rely on others to validate us, we create a cycle that’s impossible to win. External validation is like a sugar high—it feels amazing in the moment but never lasts.
Think of it like this: You wouldn’t build your dream house on quicksand. Yet when we base our worth on what others think, that’s exactly what we’re doing.
The hidden costs of humility
“What’s the big deal”, you ask?
This hidden fear has to be dealt with in one way or another, yet many of us deal with it by pushing it down and so it pops up through other emotions such as depression, anger, cynicism and pessimism.
And how do we deal with these?
Revenge Bliss behaviours, which I spoke about in last week’s article.
They’re the behaviours you choose to get a moment of ‘bliss’, a high, an escape, when you’re feeling down, angry or… like you just don’t matter.
Your choice of escape can be:
- Revenge bedtime: Watching an extra episode of Bridgerton even though you desperately need that hour of sleep.
- Revenge snacking: You’re not hungry but you feel like you need a littl’ somethin’ somethin’ so you open up the family bag of chips ‘just to have a few’.
- Revenge shopping: You buy that outfit you really want even though you’ve said you’ll wait until it goes on sale - and dammit - you even pay the extra $5.99 for express shipping because “you damn well deserve it”.
And sure, these behaviors have little to no impact if chosen every once in a while to blow off some steam, but when they become a crutch they can distort how you see yourself and the world around you—leading you to constantly put yourself down, diminishing your own sense of worth.
It’s not about ignoring humility—it’s about understanding that true humility comes from a place of self-respect, not self-sabotage. True self-respect means recognising that your value isn't determined by the approval of others, but by the inherent worth you carry within you.
Concluding thoughts
Breaking free from relying on self-criticism due to the fear of social judgment requires us to rethink how we view and approach humility. Because true humility isn’t about shrinking; it’s about standing tall with self-awareness, knowing that our worth isn’t tied to how others perceive us.
So the next time you achieve something great, don’t shy away—celebrate it. Because owning your success isn’t arrogance; it’s self-respect in action.
DrK x
